My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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