my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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