omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
