don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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