college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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