dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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