i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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