I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize