idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
