she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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