No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I have already put on my inside pants.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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