I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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