We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize