you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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