Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize