So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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