guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize