? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
