so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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