FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
