my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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