all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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