She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
