the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
