Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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