why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
