I hate your face
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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