Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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