Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
