you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
