Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
