I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
