Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
