this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
someone owes me an orgasm
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
