I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
