are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize