He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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