He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
