their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just pee around me
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
