you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
