Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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