I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
either way he was missing a nipple.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
