he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
