i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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