wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
