I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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