is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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