if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
