textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Randomize
