I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
