dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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