I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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