So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
where does the pee come out of this thing
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
