dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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