i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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