So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We need to get me chipped asap
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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