last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
