I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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