Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
