I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
