just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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