I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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