Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
