I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
