hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
