So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
