I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
