this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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