wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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