I just threw up on my dentist
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
