I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
