Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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