You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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