In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
