Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
