Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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