I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
