In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
my phone needs a breathalizer
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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