I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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