oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
