Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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