The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
