Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
you will always have a special place in my vag
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
