Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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