just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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