Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
