I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
