I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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