Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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