the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
