It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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