my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
