I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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