there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
