If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
