And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
