her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
