I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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