the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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