Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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