So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
