You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
