I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
