DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
