Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
