dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
