im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
