DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
