Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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