Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Randomize
