Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
