O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
