He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
